Levi Benjamin

is my brand new nephew 4 day old and he's adorable!! Aren't babies just such a miracle and we all know they are blessings from God and all that fun stuff but they truly are just wonderful. It's amazing to me how holding such a tiny miracle is so therapeutic. Duston and I went to see him and I was not in the best of moods but the minute I laid hands on him, my mood just went up and kept going up. I just love him so much.

Abby is such a good big sister! She doesn't bother him at all. She doesn't even look his way so that she doesn't bother him. ;) Seriously though, she will get there. Duston and I had her for a few days while they were all in the hospital and my mom was here too so we took her swimming as she looooves the water. She jumped in time after time after time and the further down she went, the happier she was. I would love to try and see if she could swim because I bet she could. She's such a little fish.

A vent of sorts (to get it out of the way)

So, not only have I gotten married but I became a stepmother again which means child support. I have issues with child support and I would have them even if it were me receiving it. It does NOT take $300 a month to support one child who is not in daycare and who is not with you all of the time! I don't care what anyone says, it doesn't take it. I've raised two kids before and yes, they need things that sometimes takes more money than others but shouldn't that stuff be split? And shouldn't the money go for supporting the kid? I mean, I'm not one of these people that think that it should go to the child directly but it should still be put toward them. When I was 16 and living with my mom and step-dad, I got SSI off of him and he had to show everything that was coming out of that check and be able to show receips if asked for them. I think child support should be done the same way. I have HUGE issues with it if you can't tell. And people that have two kids and get child support? Seriously, $500, $600? Their your kids too and unless there are extenuating circumstances, you're getting free money and you know it. Get real and you better start a really nice savings account since you're not paying for childcare either most likely if they are older. Ugh.



I need a second job and fast. I'm about to lose the first one and I know it. I'm trying to change things around but this has been hanging around my neck for over a year and the noose is getting tighter. I want to do well but you have to set people up for success and not failure. I'm really trying to get on board because it's a phenomenal company and there are great benefits that I can't live without. So, I'm working on it. Again. For the last time most likely.

I miss Duston. He's been in Alabama for three weeks now. We had our wedding shower (which was a huuuge blessing and will be followed up on in a moment) and his 90 year old grandfather asked if I would leave him down there to help him out. Of course. How can I tell him no when D isn't working currently and that's an opportunity for some extra cash?! So when he gets back here, hopefully things change around and he finds somewhere to work that will benefit us and we will be able to pay child support and car payments like craaazy! How awesome that would be!

I do love being married and will be followed up on in another post. For now, I'm falling asleep and good night.

Here Comes the Bride...

Here I am!! Yep, I got married. December 19, 2010 was our wedding day. It was quick, easy, and painless. Now, if only the rest of our lives would be easy and painless too. :) It was a whirlwind but I love it. I love being married. Things are tight and they are hard but I love him and he loves me. We have trials every day as everyone does but I'm excited about what we have facing us.

Happy Thanksgiving!

So I wasn't really expecting a lot to happen today and for the most part it didn't which is great for me! It was a pretty low-key day spent with friends and family.




My good friend, Shantell hosted all of the singles for dinner today and there about 8 of us there so we ate, said what we are thankful for and of course, as is customary in Nashville, played music afterward. I wish I played an instrument but I can't carry a tune and I can't play one either so I'm an awesome part of the audience. I didn't take any video or anything but here are some friends singing some of my favorite songs that they've written.

Enjoy!

http://www.shantellsmusic.net/music.cfm   <---HIGHLY recommend "The Clock" and "What Matters the Most"

{one} do you still use a checkbook?


No, I haven't used a register in about 2 years and haven't had a check book in about 4 months now.


{two} what size shoe do you wear?

7 or 7 1/2

{three} scary movies or happy endings?

I'm a hopeless romantic and only watch chick flicks so I'd say happy endings.



{four} do you prefer spontaneity or stability?

I married a man 10 hours after I met him. What do you think? Stability and knowing a change is coming scares me. If I can do it spur of the moment, I'm good.

{five} what is the most embarrassing cd that you own?

Rod Stewart


{six} do you watch reality tv?

Yes. I love Little People, Big World (I'm the world's tallest midget, btw)

{seven} what is your favorite home-made meal?

Oh my. Why do you torture me so?! My sister's lasagna, her oven fried chicken, her potato soup (she's a great cook!) and my mom's country fried steaks. Ahh, heaven.

{eight} do you have any allergies?

I have a severe allergy to idiots.

{nine} if you could open your own restaurant/store, what would it be?

I would LOOOVE to own a doggy boutique! Cute clothes, leashes, harnesses, homemade treats, salon, adoption center. I love my baby and want all other babies to be pampered too.

{ten} would you ever go skydiving (or have you been)?

Yes, please!! Strap a beatiful man to my back to pull the cord and I'm there!

Well, HOOO are YOU?!

1. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you?
     Well, I've been very fortunate in that I haven't had too many things happen. I'd have to say when I had surgery for endometreosis. I thought I was going to die for a few weeks. It probably wasn't that bad in retrospect but I'm one of the biggest crybabies on the planet.


2. What would you name your next child or if you don't have any your first child?
     I don't have kids but I want to name a little girl Ella Yvonne (Yvonne after my grandmother) and a little boy Rylen Kaid. And since I'm the one that is going to be baking these babies for 9 months, it should be my decision, right? I thought so.


3. If you could add one feature to your car, what would you choose?
    HYBRID!!! Oh. My. Gosh. I am SO sick of putting gas in this car. Do NOT buy a Ford Escape unless it's a hybrid and even then, get something different. I don't pass up a gas station without putting gas in. It's crazy ridiculous.
4. If you named your house (or car or computer) what would you name it?
    Cracker Jack. It's 500 sq ft. and max capacity is 3 including the dust bunnies in the corner.
 
5. What is your dream occupation?
     My dream occupation is to be a SAHM just like every good Mormon girl was raised to be. Let's say I never marry again and never have the opportunity to have kids, I'd like to own a Doggy Boutique and offer full grooming services along with homemade treats and the normal doggy gear. I'd have General's face incorporated into the title and sign somehow and take him to work with me. He's going to live forever you know. Heavenly Father promised.

Happy days are here again!

Believe it or not, throughout all of my complaining, I'm really a happy person! Let me prove it...

• My dog makes me happy. I love him. He is the best cuddler in the world and loves for me to love on him and play rough with him. He doesn't listen very well, but he's perfect for me because *I* don't listen very well, either.

• I'm happy I have a job. I may struggle with it but I'm glad I have somewhere to go every day, and that the paycheck doesn't bounce! In this economy, how can you not be happy about that?!

• I'm happy to announce that I've finally figured out what to do with my life! I'm going to BYU to get a degree in Family History/Geneology! I'm 28 years old and I've finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up. Miracles happen.

• Last but not least, I'm happy that I have friends. I love them and I am so grateful for them. I don't know how I would get through some days without my good friends.I hope they feel the same. :)

Wow! It's been a while.

Oh wow! I didn't realize it had been so long since words spewed from me here!

I confess...a lot!

 

• I love living alone.
• I love it until the bills come in, that is.
• I've finally decided what I want to do with my life!
• Get married, have babies, return to my Heavenly Father.....oh, right. The realistic part.
• I want to get a degree in Family History/Geneology
• Yes, it's a made up degree from BYU but a lot of times that's what you get and it's something I have a huge interest in.
• What I don't have an interest in is cleaning.
• I'm so over it.
• I've cleaned the kitchen top to bottom and the living room.
• My bedroom and bathroom are pathetic.
• What? You're coming over to clean them for me?!
• Aww, thanks! But I will have to clean first and then you can "clean" while I apologize about how messy everything is. But I will vacuum because it destresses me.
• Dinner is next.
• Oh, how I loathe the kitchen and everything about it.
• I want a maid.

Damaged Goods.

That's what I am.

I try really hard not to get upset about my divorce and about things I can't control.

In the past week, I've dealt with more financial situations than I've ever thought about. I've gotten declined for a new car because mine is only worth $3000 even though I owe $12k. Why, you ask? Because when it was wrecked before the first payment had even been paid, I apprently should have traded it immediately. They should have totaled it and not paid the $10k it took to fix it. At this point, I don't know what to do. I need a new car. I'm tired of not being able to drive more than 230 miles before I have to fill up for $40 again. I'm just sick of it. I want something I can depend on to get me there and back and not have any left over brokenness from a wreck that should have totaled it out 2 years ago. I'm just sick of it all.

I've been working on my credit and it's come up almost 100 points in the past year which is awesome! I've tried making sure that everything is getting paid and that it's something I can pay for if I buy anything new. I don't get things on credit and I've been paying for all of the stuff on my report little by little and I'm proud of where it's going. It's still not enough though. I still can't do anything. I can't purchase anything on credit because I'm "high risk" and it's so frustrating. Luckily, my Pop is awesome and wants to help me. My Dad may not help me but Pop is always there and I love him for it.

Cliff called tonight. Dang it. Why do I let him get to me? Because we were married for 7 years? He tells me not to put much stock into religion. Dude, you don't get it. The Gospel is the only thing I can do and always feel good about it! If I didn't have the gospel, I don't know where I would be right now. He lied to me the entire time we talked. Why did I stay on the phone you ask? Because I'm a sucker. He gave me enough about the kids to keep me going and I will always want to hear more. I miss his kids. I miss MY kids. I miss being with them and doing homework with them. I miss getting them up for school and telling them I love them. I miss hugging them before they went to sleep and being the person they wanted to talk to when something bad happened at school that day. I even miss the arguing sometimes.

La, la, la

Well, I haven't been so good this week.

• Ever heard of road rage? Well, I have it. I yelled and honked and screamed at this lady the other day only to realize that we were stopped because there was an ambulance coming about 4 blocks down with the lights on. We couldn't have gone because it would have been too hard to pull over when they got to us. We just needed to block traffic coming off of the interstate for a solid 5 minutes instead. I (might) have called her a name...or two.
• I got rid of the cat. I was trying really hard to love her and let her get to know us but when I stuck my hand in her poop, she had worn her welcome out. I gave it a solid 2 weeks but ya gotta go if you can't go in your litter box!
• I'm trying to like my job. I'm trying to do better at my job. I've never felt so much pressure before in my life though and I think I'm smothering.
• I'm worried about my Dad. A mini stroke last week and arteriogram (can't spell) this week just really worries me. I love him and I need him. Who else is going to tell me what they really think?
• My cousin has someone willing to take the discussions and she's not trying to set me up with him (WHATEVER!) but can I come to church (3 hours south from Nashville) to meet him? You bet because I'm single and when you're single in the church, everyone could be your next lover future husband. He's obviously not at institute every week (2 attendees) and doesn't seem to be at the singles ward. Maybe he is in Podunk Jasper, Alabama.
• I start my new schedule next week. 4:30 am is going to come early. I think I need to buy stock in toothpicks.
• It's 11:30, I have to work in the AM and I'm feeling like I need to be up all night. Yayyy! I'm so glad I don't have kids sometimes because if I did, I'd be screwed with the sleeping schedules.

Feeling kinda crafty

Today I've decided to dedicate to crafts. I love them. I love fabric, paint, wood, paint brushes, stencils, mod podge, all of it. I love to feel crafty and I love to be crafty. I wish I was a creator and could go part time at my job and just do this the rest of the time.

Today, I went to goodwill and bought a small set of shutters and an old mirror that frankly looks like crap but it won't after a few coats of paint. I'm so excited to see how it turns out. And to top it all off, I went to Hobby Lobby afterward where they were having a sale on furniture. I got the cuuuutest litle wood trunk for only $16!! It was originally $80 so I'm pretty stoked. I'd like to think that I will be making all of this look really adorable but the fact is that if spray paint and a little bit of mod podge and ribbon can't make it cute, it's just gonna suck.

Well, I'm off to it. I'd like to say I'll have cute pictures but the fact is that, again if it isn't cute, you won't be seeing it. We'll have to see how this goes.